How To Get Out Of The Friendzone With A Woman

how to get out of friendzone with a woman

Table of Contents

Meet Jan: The Man Who Escaped The Friend Zone

This is the story of Jan.

Since I’m keeping Jan’s identity private, all you get to see of him is this ‘Mr. X’ type figure:

Jan came to me a few months back a frustrated individual

On the free 45 min strategy call he booked with me, I learned the following:

  • Jan was good at getting the women he was only ‘somewhat‘ interested in, but the ones he really wanted gave him a one-way ticket to the friend zone.
  • Jan had a habit of sleeping with these ‘somewhat‘ women, whilst thinking ‘I’ll carry on doing this until the girl I REALLY want comes along’.
  • Jan wanted a plan to be able to meet, date and ultimately have his choice of the girls he really wanted. Currently, it felt like there was a really cool party going on that he was not invited to.

Ultimately, Jan and I both knew the same thing – this interim solution of sleeping with women he wasn’t all that interested in wasn’t making him happy.

He wanted women that excited him. That inspired him. That wasn’t just hot (obviously he wanted that too), but also brought out the very best in Jan.

He wanted the women that were just right for him.

Because let me tell you, when you have that ‘just right’ girl in your life, life suddenly gets a lot better (no matter how good it is already).

This is me, with my girlfriend Alice:

I used to feel like a lone wolf – me vs the world. And I liked it that way!

But now I have someone else on Team Richard. Someone else in my corner.

When I don’t believe in myself, Alice reminds me how capable I am. We build each other up, so we both do more with our lives than we would if we were alone.

I don’t believe that it’s a coincidence this Powerful Man business has really taken off since Alice appeared on the scene.

So let me ask you – what capabilities do you have that the world isn’t seeing right now? What amazing things would you be accomplishing if you had your own Alice by your side, cheering you on?

I believe that’s the exact opposite of what you find with most relationships. Most couples are in a power struggle, constantly sniping at each other and generally in a fairly miserable existence.

Epiphany Moment:

Attracting women is the easy bit (any bog standard pickup artist could teach you that). The tricky, crucially important bit is in how to attract the right women. Because you get in a relationship with the wrong woman…oh man, you are heading for one horrible train crash!

Did you know the average cost of divorce these days is $65k? Look around your house. Look at everything you’ve worked so hard for. Now imagine cutting it all in half.

Plan on having kids? Imagine a power struggle where she does everything she can to keep them away from you and fills their head full of poison about what a worthless piece of shit you are.

Imagine endless courtrooms, tens of thousands of dollars down the drain and ultimately…pain. Lots of pain.

Your woman scorned

Because when you can’t spot the wrong woman upfront, what you find is she is sweetness and light at first. So you marry this sweet angel… and that’s when things go downhill.

Suddenly when you split, she turns into Shrek’s bigger, angrier sister and makes her life’s purpose all about wreaking misery on you.

This is serious stuff!

Anyway…Jan needed a plan.

Here’s what we worked out on the call:

Jan wasn’t able to ‘be himself’ with the women he really wanted.

Jan needed a more grounded energy.

Jan needed to become better at putting himself out there, warts and all.

Jan needed more self-respect.

Jan needed to ditch the lingering shame around his masculine sexuality.

Want me to do the same for you? Apply to set up a strategy call with me and we’ll work out a step by step plan.

At this point, Jan could go away and work on this stuff himself. As a smart guy, I’m confident he would figure it out in the end.

BUT – it would take him years. Possibly over a decade like it did with me.

Or he could enroll into my high level, intensive 8-week private coaching program and get this taken care of right now.

With a lump in his throat, Jan took a deep intake of breath and said:

“Alright…let’s do it.”

We’re now going to see the evolution of Jan over the 8 weeks, in the form of Facebook messages that he sent to me (note – Jan has given me full permission to post these).

Week 2

The first couple of weeks in the program were about self-awareness. Understanding all the stupid games our egos play, and how it ultimately screws us up.

Once Jan started to get this, he progressed quickly. Here’s the message he sent me 2 weeks in:

Note in particular the calmness. Jan knew he didn’t have to try to impress this girl. Jan knew he could just relax, and let her do most of the talking. It’s amazing how our egos think we have to put on this big song and dance when in reality the opposite is true!

Week 4

Jan went out with the girl from week 2:

Note how relaxed Jan is becoming not only with women but life in general. Also, note in the last message his excitement about all the wonderful people out there he has yet to connect with! Compare this to the normal social anxiety people feel when meeting strangers.

But really, I want you to get a feel for the ease at which Jan is now moving through life. Normal pickup artistry encourages you to try and swim against the flow of the river and do all kinds of complicated, difficult things.

Does life have to be that hard?

Week 5

Another update:

Jan knows this is a girl who would normally friend zone him, but he’s in a different place now. Also, note how she’s confiding in him as well – she’s telling him about all the creepy stuff that happens to her. Why? Because she sees Jan as a man that gets it! She can tell him because he’s not one of the multitudes of weird/desperate/creepy/insecure/approval seeking men she has to face on a daily basis.

Week 6

Jan made a post in the private Facebook group for the coaching program.

It’s quite long, so I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting the most important bits.

For me, the key realization for Jan is the importance of energy and presence.

It’s not about what you say, but it’s about the kind of energy you have. And when I say ‘energy’, I don’t mean high energy. We’re not talking here about being the biggest party boy in the room!

We’re talking about the calm, grounded, masculine energy. Unashamed masculine sexuality, yet without being ‘creepy’ or ‘weird’.

Although Jan admits here that he still occasionally experiences the desire to try and impress, he is able to catch this, and then re-ground himself accordingly.

For me, this was one of the most pleasing things to read of everything Jan wrote.

Reason being, I knew he was going to be okay. Because I’m not going to be around to coach him forever, I need to know that he’ll be able to recognize when he falls off the path and can get himself back on again.

But really stop to think about the difference between a man who is genuinely calm (versus just ‘playing it cool’) and a man who is keen to impress.

Women are smart. They can feel your vibe, your energy. So you can play an act of being the coolest guy in town. And you might fool them for a short while. But they will see through you eventually.

If you’re not calm now, you need to work on making yourself calm.

Not on learning more cool things to say. That only heaps the pressure on yourself.

Week 8

Things, unfortunately, fell down between Jan and the girl. One thing I taught Jan was that a girl of high integrity will make it easy for you to get with her (assuming she likes you and is single, of course).

She won’t require that you jump through 1000 hoops, and impress her with lots of cocky humor and smart chat. You won’t need lots of complicated psychology to get her to come on a date with you.

You’ll just be able to say ‘I like you so far. Fancy coming out for a drink with me?’ and she’ll say ‘yes‘!

If she plays hard to get, takes ages to reply to messages, acts aloof…it’s a bad sign.

It turned out this girl fitted into the game playing category, and Jan was forced to move on.

But this is a good thing! Jan was able to smartly sidestep a girl that almost certainly would have caused him great heartache in the long run.

He sent me this message near the end of the course:

Note Jan’s ability at this point to ‘roll with the punches’. Of course, he would have preferred if the girl had been just right for him. But he was able to spot this was the case (since most girls will NOT be just right for you) and move along.

That doesn’t mean he feels no sense of disappointment. It means he has the level of spiritual discernment required to accept the situation, make the right decision and carry on.

He doesn’t cling to something that clearly isn’t working in an attempt to try and force it to be something it is never going to be.

We also had this brief chat at the same time:

So at this point, I would ask you – how solid and calm is your overall energy? How often do you feel uncomfortable or nervous talking to women (or in social situations in general, for that matter)? How often do you feel 100% at home in conversation with a woman, vs having endless thoughts about what to say and what to do?

If you’re 100% at this point now – well, you probably don’t need my help because you have your pick of women!

But if not, there’s no shame here. It’s not like they teach this stuff in school. If you’re ready to become a calm, centered, a masculine, an unashamedly sexual man like Jan…well, I might just be able to help you out.

If you want to learn magic pickup lines…maybe not.

Want to be like Jan? Apply below to set up a strategy call with one of my coaching team:


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